the journal
by EmmetIsMyHomeBoy
Summary: what happens when Hermione puts Ron to bed and happens upon his journal? what does the Weasley have to say about a certain bookworm?
1. a sad kind of happy

Hogsmeade had definitely tired everyone out. Not necessarily all the buying and looking, but the walks. the snow was so thick this year, a couple of first years needed levitating charms so that they could see above it. all the shop owners Thought it was too funny to put charms around the walks to block the snow. Those Who were smart used the bluebell flames charm.

Now everyone was gathered in the common room. Lavender and Pavarti were at a desk trying out different hairstyles they found in muggle magazines. Ron, who had not only gone to Hogsmeade but suffered through a grueling quidditch practice, despite the snow, was exhausted and had fallen asleep on the couch. Hermione was sitting in an armchair reading up on different spells. She looked around the common room and her eyes landed on Ron. He was on his back with one arm above his head and the other on his stomach. He had a look of a sad kind of happy on his face. **_'i wonder what he's dreaming about'_** she thought to herself.

Hermione went back to reading, but she couldn't concentrate. she kept glancing at Ron. **_'He's really adorable. I wonder what would happen if I went over and kissed him.' don't be stupid, 'mione_** she thought. He'd wake up. That's what would happen. Then there would be some questions she didn't think she answer. Ron would definitely wonder why she was snogging him while he was asleep. Then he would laugh. Yes, he would definitely laugh at her. It was better to keep her feelings and ideas of snogging to herself.

Hermione went back to reading and looked up an hour later when the wind kept hitting the window and making it rattle. she looked around the common room and saw that everyone was asleep. she decided that she should go to bed as well. when she was getting up, she remembered Ron on the couch. she decided not to leave him on the couch all night.

"Wingardium Leviosa" said and floated him up the stairs and to his dormitory. Hermione almost dropped him when she stumbled over hi things by his bed. "Boys are such pigs" she muttered as she placed him on the bed and tucked him in. She decided to indulge and kissed him softly on the forehead. When he didn't move she slowly moved her head down until her lips touched his.

All of a sudden Ron sat up in bed. Hermione ducked down real fast and scrambled under his bed.


	2. sweet dreams

* * *

Ron looked around the room, swearing someone had just kissed him. He then remembered the dream he'd been having and tried to go back to sleep, hoping to get back into it, as it was a very nice dream. But after a few minutes he realized he couldnt. He leaned down and reached under the bed. 

Hermione laid under Ron's bed, trying not to breathe too loudly, in case he might hear her. Then she saw his arm sweeping under his bed, as if he was looking for something. Very carefully Hermione scooted back far enough that Ron wouldn't graze her. She finally saw what he was looking for. It had to be, it was the only thing, besides her, under the bed. She slowly reached her arm out and slid a small stack of parchment tied together at the edges with string towards Rons reaching arm. He picked it up and she heard him say a charm and a dim light came from above.

Ron reached for a quill from his nightstand, opened his journal and started writing.

_**"I had another dream about 'Mione tonight. I can't stop thinking about her **__**during the day, and now I cant get away from thoughts of her at night. I **__**don't mind it though. Some of them are kind of nice. Like the one I had just now.**_

_**we were sitting out by the lake, and the sun was out. I was laying in the **__**grass and she was reading. She's always reading, she never stops, not even in **__**my dreams. She had her head in my lap. Then she put her book down and climbed **__**up and started kissing me. That's when I woke up. But the weirdest part was **__**that when I woke up it felt like I had just been kissed. I could have sworn **__**I could smell her too. But that's crazy. Why would she be in my room? Why would **__**she even kiss me? **_

_**Everything's always better in dreams. In my dreams she's there with me. In my **__**dreams, I can kiss her all I want and not worry about what other people think. **__**I'm happier in my dreams. I wish I could stay there. That would be the ultimate **__**magic. To live in dreams with 'Mione. She'd be with me there. i'm smarter there, **__**and rich too. In my dreams I deserve her. But they're just dreams. It won't **__**happen. **_

_**I don't deserve her. She doesn't need me, or want me, not like I want and need her.**_

_**She needs someone better than me, someone who's smart, and has money and can buy her all the books and pretty things she needs and deserves. She's better off without me. **_

_**So many times she's caught me staring and she doesn't know why. She's gorgeous, but **__**That's not why I stare. I don't know why I stare. Probably because I'm trying to figure out how I can tell her that I love her. I want to sometimes, to just scream it. But I wont. I'm too scared. Shed laugh at me, everyone would. What a joke. Poor, ugly stupid Weasely with pretty, smart granger. That's too much humiliation. Not for me, but for her. I wouldn't care if they laughed at me, as long as she was there beside me. But I don't want to do that to her. That's too much pain for her to suffer so that I could be happy. No its better that she never find out. Nobody knows, not even Harry.**_

_**And nobody will ever know that Ron Weasley is in love with Hermione Granger. **__**Sometimes when I think about her and try and imagine us together I feel happy. **__**To know that at least in my head she loves me as much as I love her, it feels like **__**everythings gonna be ok. But it hurts inside too. Deep inside. But I welcome it. **__**Sometimes the pain feels good. At least were together in my dreams. Always in my **__**dreams. That's all that they ever are. Just dreams."**_

Ron turned off the light coming from his wand, closed his journal and slid under his bed. Hermione waited until she was sure he was asleep before crawling out from under his bed. She stopped suddenly when she remembered the packet of parchment under his bed.

She knew it was wrong, told herself that even while he was lighting her wand and looking for whatever Ron had written that night. As she was flipping through she realized it was Ron's journal. She tried to stop herself, tried to remind herself how she would feel if Ron read her journal. She finally found the last entry, but was closing it. As she did she saw her name. She read one line, then two, and then more.

When she was finished, she shut the journal, put it back under Ron's bed and walked to her own room. She got undressed, laid down on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

so what do you all think? i want to continue this but im not sure how. i probably will though. come on people dont make me use Imperius to make you review.


	3. The Gift

**just figured id throw in some Ginny/Harry fluff. this ones for you guys!**

The Christmas holidays were around the corner and McGonagall came around with the list of who was going to stay at hogwarts. Before Harry could sign up, Ron remembered that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had invited Hermione and Harry that they were both welcome at the Burrow.

The day before the Hogwarts Express was to leave, all the students had one last chance to get all the gifts needed for Christmas. Harry grabbed Hermione the minute they were all done with their butter beers at The Three Broomsticks. Hermione, who whose arm was bruising due to the tight grip Harry had, asked why they left in such a rush.

"I need your help. i have to get something for Ginny."

"o. Well, just get her chocolates or something." she replied.

"No, i was thinking like jewelry. but the thing is i have no clue what to get her. i do know that maybe a ring isn't, you know, right, at least not right now. But, you know, maybe a necklace or-or a bracelet."

Hermione smiled at his nervousness to get the perfect gift for Ginny. "Ok well, lets go over to the Enchanted Twinkle and pick something out."

They left the store an hour and a half later, having picked out a gorgeous silver charm bracelet and three charms, which Harry explained reluctantly.

"Well the umm...the broomstick because we both um..You know, play Quidditch. And the umm...the clover because we both umm support you know Ireland. And the cupid because of the umm...the valentine she sent me in second year."

Hermione had a feeling that only one of the three was actually true. But she could sense his embarrassment, so she didn't question him further. When they remembered that they had left Ron behind, they hurried back to the Three Broomsticks. He was only a little peeved, but figured they had both gone to buy HIS presents. He really didn't want to accept anyone going out with Ginny.

"Well, are you all packed or do we need to head back?" Ron asked.

"I still have a little packing to do. And it's getting late, and i want to finish the Potions homework before we leave." Hermione said. Ron and Harry rolled their eyes, but headed back to Hogwarts. The boys played Wizard Chess while Hermione finished her potions essay. After a few hours, everyone realized they were tired and headed off to bed.

"Night 'Mione" Ron said. He said it so sweetly too. She noticed he watched her while she climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitory. She finished wrapping presents. she got Ron a book on the history of Quidditch, Harry broom covers with Gryffindor colors, a recipe book for Molly, a small TV set for Mr. Weasley, and a comb-and-mirror set for Ginny. As she was wrapping Ron's' gift, she remembered his journal. She had thought about it so many times, wondering if she should tell him how she felt about him. She knew she should, since there was nothing to be afraid of, since she knew he liked her back.

Well, there was one thing she was afraid of. **_What if it didn't work?_** There was always this little nagging voice in the back of her head that wouldn't shut up. **_What if it didn't work out? You don't just lose Ron, you lose Harry too._**

Quickly she opened the book that was Ron's gift, grabbed a quill and started writing.

**PROPS to all of you who reviewed. yall are awesome and keep it up! (i might even take off the Imperius)**


	4. snoflakes

When they woke up Christmas morning, everyone rushed downstairs. Except for Fred and George. Even though they'd had their apparating license for a little over a year, it was still

their favorite way to get from place to place.

Everyone gathered around the tree Christmas morning, excited to open his or hers gifts.

After the cheers, oohs, ahhs, and "I've wanted this FOREVERs", everyone went to put their

gifts away.

"So what was it you got from Fred and George?" Ron asked, as he was putting the

autographed Chudley Cannons poster carefully on his bedroom wall.

"Confetti Confusion. You throw it up and it rearranges the faces of whomever it lands

on." he said.

"If you can find a reason to be happy enough to celebrate, you could use it in Snapes'

class."

"That would be funny. To see his nose on top of his..." but Ron was to busy reading

the note in the book that Hermione had given him.

"Dear Ron,

Thank you for being there for me all these years. You're my best friend

and, no matter what happens, remember I love you.

Forever and always,

'Mione.

Later, after a wonderful dinner, everyone sat around drinking hot chocolate and

and singing carols. Harry waited until almost everyone, except Ginny who had volunteered

to clean up the glasses, was in bed to give her her Christmas present.

"Hey, umm, Ginny, you want to take a walk? Outside?" Harry asked nervously.

"Yeah. Umm...just let me go get my cloak, ok?"

"Yeah. Umm, ill wait here." why was he so nervous? Even though they weren't officially

going out (Harry was scared of the Weasley brothers, and Harry and Ginny never really discussed it) they were both really close. Hopefully tonight was going to change all that.

"Ready?" Ginny asked as she walked into the room. Harry nodded and the walked outside.

It was a nice night, but a little cold. he could see little fires coming from the Gnome burrows.

Looking, up he could see the stars shining. Harry looked over at Ginny, who was so cute

with snowflakes on her nose. He figured now was better than ever.

"Umm, Ginny, I got you something...you know, for Christmas." he pulled the box out of his

pocket and opened it. First he pulled out the bracelet and clipped it on her wrist.

"O Harry it's beautiful!" Ginny said.

"Shush. Its not all." Next he pulled out the Cupid and clipped it onto the bracelet. Ginny's

cheeks turned red enough to melt the snow when she remembered that Valentines day. Harry

then pulled out the broom stick charm and pinned it to the bracelet next to the Cupid. When she realized what that one meant she smiled big enough to rival the light of the moon. She started crying when she saw the clover.

"Ginny, you know how i feel about you...and I was wondering if you would go out with me. No more hiding from Ron or from anybody. Just you and me. Will you Ginny?"

Still crying she threw her arms around Harry and kissed him. When they were done, he looked deep in her eyes and smiled. They stood like that, under the snow and stars and danced to a song only they could hear.


	5. questions and answers

Hermione lay awake that night thinking about everything to do with her and Ron.

She liked him. That part was evident. She always had, she just never knew how he felt about her. so she had set aside her feelings for Ron. No matter what he thought, there had never been anything serious between her and Viktor. The only reason he had invited her to his manor that summer was because he needed a tutor in one of his classes and she had offered to help. But that was as far as it had ever gone.

But with Ron, it could go so much farther. She loved him, and ever since reading his journal, she knew he loved her.

So what should she do? He was her best friend, and if things didn't work out, or if his mind had changed, then she could practically guarantee to lose him forever.

Was it worth it?

**_Yes_** a voice said in the back of her head. It's worth it. And besides, you don't write stuff like that and change your mind in two weeks.

You just have to trust yourself, Hermione. Just try. And remember, you went in as friends. if it doesn't work, then come out of it like friends.

It's all you've got.

The next morning, when Ginny and Hermione were getting dressed, Hermione saw the bracelet on Ginnys wrist and decided to ask about the true nature of the charms.

"Well, the Cupid is for the Valentine i sent Harry in your second year. The broomstick is for

the first time we kissed. We were on the Quidditch field, practicing, just Harry and me. Well, we were doing some extreme flying and i fell of my broom. Luckily we weren't very high up. But Harry was on the ground and caught me. And he kissed Me." she smiled at the memory. "And the clover... we were by the lake and we started goofing around and he started tickling me. There was clover all over the place. Well, I rolled over on top of him and all of a sudden

it was just...we were... i don't know. But that was the first time we said we loved each other."

Hermione smiled, thinking it was so good for both of them, to have someone like each other.

"And last night, Harry asked me out."

"O my god! You said yes right?!"

"Of course I did! I've never been so happy in my entire life!" Ginny gushed.

"Are you guys going to tell Ron?" Hermione asked, concerned for both Harry and Ginny, as Ron was very protective.

"Were going to tell him tonight, when we go to Diagon Alley. And speaking of Ron, when are the two of you going to hook up?"


	6. Permission

Later that day, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Harry were all going to Diagon Alley to check on Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes. After they all saw the progress they had made since the summer before, the four of them decided to go get an ice cream and look at all the shops, since most were having sales.

While they were eating their ice cream, Ginny and Harry decided that it would be a good time to break the news to Ron.

"So, umm, Ron well, you know I'm not a little girl anymore. and i think im perfectly able to decide who it is i go out with, and to make my own decisions-"

Ron didn't even listen to her explanation before he gave a snort and said no.

"Ronald Weasley, i can take care of myself and choose who I want to see."

"So, who's the lucky idiot you've picked this time?"

Harry, who had been sitting very quietly, suddenly turned red and sank into his chair faster than the melting ice cream sitting in front of him.

"Ginny, there aren't a lot of nice, trustworthy guys out there. and while whoever it is you want to go out with this time might be nice, in your eyes, is probably the lowest form of scum on earth. He was probably bred from Snapes cauldron in fact. so no. I forbid it."

Hermione, who also hadn't said anything, started laughing, while Ginny was absolutely furious.

"RONALD WEASLEY! How dare you say that! And what do you mean 'this time?' you make me sound like some kind of slut!"

"You've had two boyfriends in the last year. TWO!"

"I only went out with the Hufflepuff!"

"Yeah, well, what about Dean Thomas? Mm?"

"I didn't go out with him. i thought i had a thing for him. But I was wrong."

Ron, who refused to be surrender to someone who might take advantage of is little sister, kept going.

"Well, your relationship with the one guy didn't work, did it? Not if he broke up with you! Do you want to go through that kind of heartbreak again?"

Ginny, who rolled her eyes, continued. "I broke up with HIM. And I did so because he kept saying all that stuff about Harry. HARRY, your best friend who is now, what was it Hermione? Scum of the earth bred from

Snapes cauldron? Yes, i believe that was it."

Poor Ron, who was confused beyond belief, said, "What the devil are you talking about? i never said that about Harry. He's my..." Ron drifted off as he realized that Harry, his best friend Harry, was the one that Ginny was interested in.

"Ginny that's ridiculous. Harry's not interested in you. It's just a crush that's gotten a little out of hand that's all. Now, be quiet. You're embarrassing poor Harry. Right Harry?" Ron said. He got even more nervous when Harry just sat and stared at him, blushing harder.

"Actually Ron. Its not a crush...and its not one sided. I...I love her."

Ron, who was now suffering from a muscle twitch in his eye, looked at Ginny and Hermione. "you know, i need a book for school. Would you two go to Flourish and Botts and get it for me?"

Hermione, who was kind of too scared to say no, grabbed Ginny and started walking away. Both soon realized they didn't know what book he needed, turned around and asked him which one.

"JUST PICK ONE!!!" he snarled, the twitch in his eye going faster, causing the girls to run towards the shop. When the girls were out of sight, Ron turned to Harry.

"Umm...Ron, I-I really do love her." Harry said.

"Since when?" Ron asked, calming down a little.

"Since...well...I'm not sure really... about the beginning of the year."

Ron, eyed him very carefully, as if he stared long enough, Harry might start screaming that he was lying about all of it.

Finally, Ron asked "Promise to take care of her?" when Harry swore up and down that he'd never do such a thing, Ron kept asking more questions.

"RONALS WEASLEY! Knock it off right now or I'll tell mum about that time you drank half the bottle of Fire Whiskey and blamed it on the gnomes!" Ginny said, from her hiding spot behind the ice cream stand.

"Fine" he mumbled.

Harry got up and walked over to Ginny and kissed her in front of everyone.

Ron was still mumbling an hour later as he and Hermione watched Harry come out of the jewelery store.

"Ron, would you shut up about it already? its no big deal, really."

"I still think she's too young..."

"She's 16!"

"Too young..."

"O come on, Ron. Haven't you ever like anyone like that before?" Too late she remembered his journal, with his feeling for her written in it. And as she saw him out of the corner of her eye looking at her, she remembered her feelings for him.

He turned and stared at her, with a soft look on his face. "Yeah. Yeah I have."

dumdumdeedoo.....

hokay, so i thought id give a shout out to all you wonderful wonderful people who reviewed.

my wheezy, cgm, and Tatum Zuckerman, thank you all so much for your ideas! they definately, were very good ones, and you guys helped me to get more ideas about how i wanted to end this thing.

personwhoreviewsstuff, AmyChris, Concealed, DianaGranger1991, RaineArilan, isnani, and diane. i am definately continuing with this! sadly, i finished it last night, so ill just update a little bit at a time. theres only 3 chapters left. but you guys inspired me to keep going! this chapters for you. and Diane, i hate it when that happens! we should hold a memorial for all those great stories that end!

and Dina C. usually im really good at catching all that stuff, so hopefully this ones a lot better!


	7. Scared Hearts and Butterbeer

all right yall. sorry it took me so long to review. school started recently, so its back to Hogwarts i go. ok, i lie. its beuxbatons. so...ahem. to all of you that reviewed YOURE DA SHIZ! to those who didnt, well, you get a platinum star. but if you DO review, ill upgrade your frequent flier miles and give you a gold star.  
to MarvelgirlHPfan: yes...i relaized that first years arent allowed in hogsmeade. i clearly ddint think. score? 1-0  
HOWEVER you obviously didnt pay close enough attention to the story or you would have realized THEY WERE NOT AT HOGWARTS! they were in the Burrow when fred and george apparated. 1-1  
and if they typoes arre mackin you crazxee, wellll i sugggest you dot Read me storry. when i wemt through da story I didt find none. so deal with it. 2-1. final score. i win you lose, you got a prolem then HASTA LUEGO!!!!

to the rest of you who actually pay attention to the story and not the minor details, the long overdue 7th chapter to The Journal. this ones for you guys.

Ron turned around so fast, he almost fell down. He watched as Harry took out a snowflake charm out of a small box and clipped it to a ...was that a charm bracelet?

He continued staring at Hermione out of the corner of his eye. 'I love her so much it hurts. I'M surprised she cant see the pain flowing from my body. Suddenly a thought nagged at him. "Have you...you know...ever liked someone...like that?"

Hermione stared at him and took a deep breath. 'here goes nothing' she thought.

"Yeah. He's really special."

"Is? Not was?" Ron asked, scared to death that he'd lost her to some other git.

"Yeah, is. He's funny, and he's smart. Brave, loyal to those he cares about. You can't help but be happy around him. He's...he's amazing."

Ron, who was feeling lousy, nauseated, and stupid for ever thinking he could have 'Mione, turned and asked her the question he knew would break his heart.

"Does he like you too?"

She looked at him and smiled that smile that made his stomach bottom out. He suddenly realized he didn't want to hear her answer, not for all the gold in Gringotts.

"I hope so. Because if not, I've made myself look like a total git in front of him and caused a lot of embarrassment for the both of us."

"Who is he?" 'Are you trying to kill yourself? All this pain is bound to tear you apart. He couldn't breath, couldn't think, couldn't see. But he had to know. It was an addiction.

Hermione, who couldn't breath either, tried to take a deep breath and looked Ron in the eyes. "You."

Ron stopped. No Way. Impossible. This was a joke. The worst that Fred and George had ever pulled. The kind of thing you learned at a Death Eater convention.

"What?"

Hermione smiled. "You Ron. I've always known it was you. Somehow I always knew. It wasn't always clear. But every time I looked at you I felt something more than friendship, something I didn't feel when I looked at Harry. I love you, Ron."

He still couldn't believe it. But it was too good, too tempting not to.

"I have loved you ever since I could remember, 'Mione. You have no idea." he walked up to her, and slowly wrapped his arms around her, afraid to let go. She wrapped her arms around him too. Ron pulled his head back and looked at her and said "lets get out of here."

They went to Fred and George's shop and flooed back to the Burrow. They let Molly know that they were home, then walked to the top of the hill. Hermione conjured a blanket to sit on and a fire to keep them warm in the circle of trees. Ron spread the blanket out and saw down and drew Hermione to his lap. Slowly, he pulled her head down and let his lips brush hers. When she didn't protest, he continued, pushing a little harder. The kiss was warmer than Butterbeer on a cold day, sweeter than anything in Honeydukes, and made Rons stomach go up and down quicker than any Quidditch match. It was perfect.

Hermione sighed and wrapped her arms around him as her lips absorbed everything Ron was. What he was, was hers. And they both liked that just fine.

They stayed like that until the snowflakes on the tip of Hermiones nose made it turn red.


	8. The Best Dream I Ever Had

and the happy ending is for Sexy Arms, and my pal Jessica. hope it works out for you kiddo!

Ron woke the next morning, happier than he'd been in a long time. He finally had Hermione.

And then he remembered it had just been a dream. Another bloody dream, so tempting, and seemed so real.

He washed for breakfast, got dressed, and made his way downstairs, and couldn't help but be depressed.

When he got to the kitchen, everyone was asleep, except for Hermione, who came up and kissed him. Heaven, he thought.

WAIT! Why was she kissing him? He pulled away and looked around the room making sure no one had seen them.

That's when his eyes landed on the couch, where a familiar looking blanket lay. It hadn't been a dream? It was real?

"Ron, what's wrong?" Hermione asked, getting nervous thinking he'd changed his mind about them.

He looked back at her and smiled wider than shed ever seen him smile before. Then he bent his head down and kissed her.

And realized he was wrong. He'd rather live here, in reality with Hermione, than in his dreams.

He liked it here. And he loved her.

THE END


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